A Hearty Hello Groovers!
How are you all? I hope you’re doing well! It feels like Spring is finally upon us which is exciting, even if the famous grey skies of Brittania still have their hold over your locale!
I have been very kindly offered the use of a villa in southern Portugal for 3 weeks as I start winding down for my little sabbatical, and whilst here, I thought I’d take advantage of the sunshine and all the beautiful golf courses across the region. It’s been so fun re-engaging with a sport I absolutely loved as a kid.
Not only has it been a really good lesson in reconnecting with things you cherished when you were less consumed by all of life’s demands and responsibilities, it has served up a number of reminders on important life lessons.
The first and most evident one is acceptance. Obviously being a bit rusty, I’m not yet playing to the decent standard of my glorious youth. As such, it would be very easy to become downhearted about some of the errant shots and mistakes one makes. But why? The reasons are all perfectly natural, and normal. And even when the breaks don’t go your way, there’s absolutely no point resisting them. All it does is put you off your stride, and cause you to start making emotional decisions, which is rarely a good idea.
One such reaction to not being able to surrender to the moment and accept what is, is to berate yourself. Sometimes remorselessly. But why would you do that? I’ve seen many a golfer engage in such behaviour, and I vaguely remember doing the same back in the day. With every shot we play in life, we are highly incentivised to do our best, just as when you are keeping score whilst playing a round. If you care about the outcome, then you will likely do your best given all of the available information to hand. On the golf course, the information you have at your disposal would include things like your form, how you tend to play with that particular club, the context of your round (do you need a hail mary to win or are you in a good position without need for heroics). It could be the wind, whether it’s wet or dry, whether the hole is uphill or downhill, straight or dog-leg. Another consideration would be whether it is relatively safe, open ground, or are there lots of hazards. The list goes on.
The lesson is simple. Avoid berating, castigating, or flagellating yourself. You are not perfect. You are never going to be perfect. You need to bring acceptance to that, otherwise you will endure a lifetime of permanent dissatisfaction that could well spillover into genuine suffering. If that’s the programme you’re running, it’s a problem with your software, not your hardware. Therefore, perhaps its time to take your journey further and get a software upgrade.
Another such reaction to a sense of unhappiness or unfairness is to resort to a bit of cheeky cheating. Maybe I’ll just move the ball an inch for a better ball striking position? Maybe I’ll pretend I didn’t just hit that shot into the woods, and take another one and convince myself that that is the shot that represents a continuation of my round. I’m sure there’s many other ways and means of creating an artificially fluffed scoreline that makes you look better than you are, but deep down, you know the truth of it. And actually, when you know you’re engaging in any form of deception, your subconscious knows you’re doing this, and it will find a way to cause you to self-destruct. Maybe in golf, it results in a duff shot that costs you more than if you had been honest. And worse, it will chip away at your self worth. If you feel like you are someone who can only succeed if you engage in cheating and deception, no matter how big, small or justifiable it seems, you’re going to corrode your sense of self to the point whereby all your shadows, doubts and fears begin to dominate, and you will devolve into a shadow of what you truly could be. It’s much more powerful to take ownership of every single shot you play, accept the reality of it, and play with willingness and enthusiasm, no matter what. If that doesn’t seem attainable to you, it’s because you still have work to do in developing your spiritual connection with your deep self, and indeed life.
Playing in this delusional mindscape also prevents you from seizing the opportunity to hone your craft. To be able to play brilliantly even when circumstances are tough.
And amazingly, when you choose honesty, especially when you could get away with something more questionable, you almost always end up pulling a rabbit out of the hat, and magically, things are better than they would have been had you cheated. It’s a remarkable insight, and one that has been reinforced to me many times in life, and many times on the golf course. When you stay in your truth, you operate in a more elevated state, and what issues forth from you in both word and deed, is of a higher, more resonant quality, and it echoes out in every direction. It’s therefore thoroughly insensible to cheapen yourself with the poverty of self justified shortcuts.
Having spoken about software, now let’s address hardware. It’s not about the clubs in your bag, but your willingness to work with the tools at your disposal. It would be very easy to hide behind the excuse that you just don’t have the tools available to you that other people do, but what’s the point in that? I’m having to use a ladies’ starter set belonging to my sister, and being ladies club’s they are designed for a slower swing, when I’ve got quite a powerful one, and so the club is bending a lot as it arcs through its trajectory, and the results are rather whippy! But hey, it’s quite fun having to adapt not only to the conditions, but the tools bestowed upon you. And if you don’t like the tools at your disposal, earn the right to avail yourself of better tools. If that means exchanging some of your hard earned moolah, then sobeit. If something is truly valuable, it’s worth paying for..whether that be with your time, your energy or your wonga.
Another interesting lesson relates to tiredness. I ended up doing some really late calls the other night, and it totally threw my circadian rhythms and I had a crap night’s sleep. Fortunately the morning round (meditative not golf) sorted me out, so that I at least felt reasonably human when I turned up at the first tee. However, after five or six holes I noticed that I was playing much more cautiously than I normally would. And what became inescapable was the fact that the unnecessary caution was leading me to author unfavourable outcomes in my matchplay. When you are bold (rather than reckless), you tend to manifest good outcomes, and even if it doesn’t come off, at least you went for it. And that sense of courageousness, when consistently enacted, helps you to identify as a person of courage, rather than a person of fear. It’s much easier to do when you are well rested, so pay attention to that, because burning yourself to the brink may seem heroic, but it often leads to slow creep tragedy.
Another really interesting thing is being paired up with randoms. I’m playing solo and golf courses are trying to sweat their assets with greater speed around the course by consolidating individuals when the course is near capacity. It’s been fun meeting new peeps, and really interesting to observe how both your demeanour and your confidence change whether you’re playing with people who are relatively better than you, or relatively less able. There are upsides and downsides to both, but the clearest lesson of all is that when you worry about other people’s opinions, you perform less well, and you betray your fundamental self when you do so, and that just doesn’t feel good. Play your game, regardless of who is in your orbit.
Given how busy the courses are, and how some golfers are quite happy getting up your arse as if you’re twerking down Old Compton St, it can be tempting to rush. But guess what? You’ve got just as much right to take your time and play your game in life as everyone else. You don’t need to bend yourself to other people’s adrenalised preferences. Be considerate, but also stand in your power. Take your time, and certainly avoid rushing unless there is a higher purpose to doing so.
One of the biggest lessons of all is using the force. In every shot you play, it’s possible to overthink it. To try too hard. Especially when you are pitching onto the green or putting. But guess what? It rarely works. What I’ve noticed is if I just trust my subconscious to know what it’s doing, stay present, and alive to the situation at hand, and remain vaguely focused but not intensely concentrated, then I tend to do as well as my ability allows. But the moment I go in my head, something rather amateurish ensues. So think less, and tune into the force more. Let it guide you to the best outcomes, in its vague and somewhat abstract way. Feel your way through the course of life, and life will repay you with a sense of artfulness that is absent when your mind is constantly churning and scheming. And you will get better results as well, despite everything you’ve ever been conditioned with.
And finally, embrace iterative progress. We would all love a Matrix style download, and to be able to kick Bruce Lee’s butt with a simple neurological plugin, and whilst it’s possible to unlock certain abilities in less than the 10,000 hours that conventional wisdom would suggest, there’s also huge value in taking a journey of progress. If you could just click your fingers and manifest all the things you wanted, you’d soon be incredibly bored and unhappy. That old cliche about the journey and not the destination is just as valid on the golf course as it is in life. Every shot you play is unique. Enjoy it. Appreciate it. Don’t wish it was any other way. If it’s challenging, then great. See it as a creative challenge. As an opportunity to grow, improve, adapt, and find your mojo no matter what the circumstance, rather than as a huge impingement on your ego’s desire to have a free ride and remain unchallenged.
I’m sure there will be many more lessons in these coming weeks, and maybe that’s the final lesson. Always be open to learning new lessons, or reinforcing old ones. You will find them in every nook and cranny in life, and it’s better to learn them on a golf course, or in other more recreational places, than in a highly tense life situation where the consequences are much more severe than a double bogey!
