Batman

Stuck In The Past and Angsty

After a family outing to the cinema, Bruce Wayne’s parents made a key mistake and wandered into “Crime Alley” – swiftly becoming the victims of crime. Understandably upset by this development, the young Bruce vows to avenge them and spends his youth searching the world for the skills and secrets he’ll need to become a super badass crime fighter who’ll clean up the streets of Gotham.

And he’s very good at this! Apart from a few long-running feuds with snappily-dressed Jokers, he tends to get the job done, and uses all sorts of cool gadgets to tackle Gotham’s embarrassing problem with lawlessness. But in his personal life, he isn’t quite so dazzling. He’s monosyllabic, backward-looking and you probably wouldn’t invite him to dinner until you remember he’s a billionaire and bound to bring something good.

In at least one of the films we’ve seen, Batman is meant to do plenty of meditation but frankly, we don’t believe he does. Meditating for a little while every day would help him become less stuck in the past and obsessive, and generally just be a bit less moody – which would be a blessing for everyone.

The Hulk

Anger

Bruce Banner is a pretty clever guy – being a nuclear scientist – but not quite clever enough to avoid the huge dose of Gamma radiation that transformed him into The Hulk, a green beast that smashes things with abandon every time Banner gets a hit of adrenaline. This means that any time Bruce Banner experiences stress, fear or anger, he goes into Hulk-mode, who’s particularly strong when enraged.

Unfortunately, The Hulk is prone to indulging in reckless destruction and has none of Banner’s intellect, being driven purely by his (angry) emotions. One way Banner can calm down and avoid this issues is by meditating regularly, which reduces stress hormones, like adrenaline, by up to a third and keeps green rages at bay.

Superman

Perfectionism

Removed early from the Kryptonian Gestation Chambers (weren’t we all?), Superman was sent into hyperspace before his home planet exploded and is therefore the sole survivor of his race. Which is pretty sad until you remember that this is all made up. But he compensates this early disadvantage by being, arguably, the most powerful of all the superhero crew, and definitely objectively better than at least 80% of them.

Unlike Batman who’s just an exuberantly rich chap in the kind of latex body suit that would raise a few eyebrows in any other circumstances, Superman is actually amazing. There’s nothing he can’t do! Morally impeccable, God-like and with exceptional flying abilities, you can argue his only downfall is being a little too perfect. He wants to do things at their absolute best at all times, worries about being a danger to humanity in the same moment as stopping space stations from crashing into them, and is so tormented by killing three super-villains intent on murdering billions of people that he vows never to kill again.

By taking on the responsibility of an entire planet and all the constantly imperilled humans upon it on his super-strong shoulders, Superman doesn’t know when to let go, or allow room for mistakes. It’s a problem his enemies take advantage of, but with a little meditation Superman would learn to unwind and become more accepting of himself. And he can even do it in space, which is a bonus.

Wolverine

Poor Memory

Wolverine, with his adamantium-enforced bones and penchant for interesting facial hair, has lots to recommend him in the superhero world. He’s strong, has extraordinary healing abilities, barely ages and shoots unbreakable claws from his fists – which is probably the most macho thing we’ve ever heard. He’s also incredibly muscular and wears tank tops, so is pretty much scoring 10/10 in the hyper-masculinity department.

However, his memory is truly terrible. Hazy about seemingly everything that happened before a week ago, he’s unsure how the metal fused to his bone got there (which we imagine would be a pretty big life event), what he’s been up to for decades and even whether “Logan” is his real name. Meditation improves both long-term and short-term memory, lessening the stress that can make us forgetful – something Wolverine definitely needs a hand with.