Justification

When we’re more heart centred, when we’re at our most human, everything flows. There is a sense of connection, there is a sense of something bigger than us. There is beauty, understanding and willingness to share. It’s not about winning or losing. It’s not about feeling the need to protect ourselves or our interests. There is no means to an end, because living from a place of heart is an end in itself. It doesn’t require reason, or logic, even if they may be there. It simply seeks to be.

Now the lizard brain can pretend to be a good human. It knows how to be nice, warm, gracious, loving and generous, but it’s all a masquerade in favour of getting something in return. It has self-interest at its heart, which is of course to say that it’s not really coming from the heart at all.

And of course when the lizard brain really kicks in, possibly because of an external stimuli, often because of something deep-rooted within us, then the override really takes over and in a blink of the eye, our Jekyll has become Hyde, and we are now in full blown justification mode. There’s no more Mr Nice Guy or Gal. It’s all about defence. Sometimes the defence takes the form of offence, sometimes we close up physically, mentally, emotionally and energetically, and we use looks, words and body language to convey our hurt, our injustice and our indignancy.

This differs from when we are simply and quite fairly asserting a necessary boundary, or fighting for what our heart and our soul know to be right. But you’ll know the difference, because the ego/shadow/lizard axis will want to throw their toys out of the pram, and quite often do. They will insist that the other person bends to their will, and they won’t mind using any tactic to win the argument, and the right to have it their way. They also have no problem cutting off your nose, to spite your face. It is irrational, and even though it purports to be self interested, is quite often self sabotage in disguise.

The higher path doesn’t feel the need to kick and scream. it doesn’t need attention, or to feel comparatively elevated. It is happy to simply assert what it feels is correct, without show, without remonstrating, or without feeling the need to withdraw into a sulk.

Neither does it then feel the need to try and win others to its side. It doesn’t go chasing and convincing people in its orbit of the correctness of its position. It doesn’t feel the need to ensure the world knows it’s right. It’s happy to do what it feels is right and appropriate, and is willing – keen even – to learn and understand the other party’s position. It wants to find a way to achieve common ground. To find happy balance, win:win outcomes, resolution. It seeks a unified position, even if it recognises that divergence is the best outcome for all. It cherishes the greatest good, and is willing to give as much as it can, provided it is on an equitable basis and doesn’t transgress important boundaries.

So next time you find yourself justifying something to yourself, or to others, see if you can tune in and really get an understanding of which of these sources this is coming from. If it feels difficult. If it feels muddy and clouded. If it feels like there are some valid signals and arguments, but others less so, then use a journal to blurt it all onto paper, or into a digital note. Find a wise and trusted ear to share your concerns, but challenge yourself to present it in as neutral a way as possible. And make sure you are prepared to listen to an alternative viewpoint. because if you’re not, then its coming from ego, defensiveness and a prejudiced viewpoint.

I would also recommend avoiding throwing any grenades until you’ve had time to practice vedic or transcendental meditation as many times as you need, to relax your nervous system, settle into your heart and gain clarity on whats really playing out for you.

And remember, if you come from a place of love and unity, the good will out in the end.

Will and The Team xxx

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