More heart, less bile

And on the subject of heart connection, I feel inspired to talk about how we can orient ourselves to offering the world more heart, and less bile.

I don\’t know how or why, but I find myself continually surprised and shocked that people seem so keen to spew their bile in the offline space. I\’ve recently got myself hooked into a football blog, and even though my team are smashing it this summer, people are determined to be miserable, to criticise all and sundry, and to shout expletives at anyone who doesn\’t feed their drama.

So even when there is a shared affinity, a basis for unity, people go on the attack. And of course, it appears to be the same almost anywhere you travel online where there are written interactions.

Although the offline stuff is generally a bit more cordial, there is still widespread evidence of people being mean, grumpy and abusive. I also suspect that the same level of hostility exists, but perhaps gets directed in different ways.

The only question is how? Does it morph into self criticism? Does it become passive agressive behaviour? Attempts to control and manipulate others? Or does it become gossiping about people behind their back? Misrepresenting conversatioons and facts to win the support of the person listening, and in so doing distorting others perceptions of the person being talked about?

One wonders how much self awareness there is when people engage in these behaviours. My suspicion is that in the majority of cases, people are so swept up in their emotional realities that this is just something they do. Indeed, I can even imagine that in order to feel ok about being so negative, they will bring in all sorts of contexts, pretexts, justifications and twisiting of narratives to make it seem ok. in short, I think we humans lie to ourselves an awful lot in order to ignore the painful truth of what our deep, unaddressed emotions are attempting to communicate to us.

So part of our role, if we wish to become a better version of ourselves (and live a happier, healthier life), is to do everything we can to increase self awareness. Now the most powerful tool I know of is to meditate, twice a day, every day. It makes SUCH a difference. However, it still takes time to lift the veil on all of our quirks and tendencies, and sometimes those things can escape detection for many years. So in addition to this, what about taking a psychometric test? Getting a mentor to coach you? Working within a group of like minded people who are all dedicated to personal, holistic excellence? I\’ve also suggested many times about journaling, but maybe think about it with reference to increasing your understanding about what it is you truly feel.

For example, I wonder how much ingrained feelings such as disappointment and injustice feed into the bile? If you\’re someone who frequently feels disappointment, are you aware that that is what it is? And more importantly, have you candidly explored with yourself why you feel that? There is pain inside of you that means those feelings of being let down in the past are pervading your present. Likewise, that sense of injustice, where\’s that coming from? That usually has even deeper origins that can only be healed through deep spiritual work.

If you happen to be more self aware, see if you can notice when there is negativity. Ask yourself why you feel the need to engage in this behaviour. Ask yourself if you would be happy to demonstrate this behaviour in front of the person you most respect in the world? Or is it something you would feel a bit sheepish about displaying in front of certain peeps?

Also, notice whenever you find yourself labelling things as good or bad. This is usually the prelude for some emotional reaction or other. And our perception of good or bad, is usually just that. We often have limited information to work with, limited paradigms colouring the judgement, and emotional filters that positively warp the judgements!

Another cracker is monitoring how many times you say \’yes, but….\’. If you\’re starting lots of sentences with this phraseology, watch out! You\’re just going to wind yourself up, and piss off all the people you care about. It\’s necessary sometimes, and it\’s always fun to offer a devil\’s advocate view. But just take care it\’s not a mask for always feeling the need to find a flaw in someone else\’s perception and understanding.

You could also make a concerted effort to learn about non-violent communication. Not only will it give you great insight into the nuances of how we impact others, it will give you tools on how to better manage those situations, and catalyse further improvements in your self awareness.

We can also practise grattitude exercises in the morning when we awaken, and when we roll over to sleep. Giving consideration to all the things we can be grateful for sets a tone of authentic positivity. Even if times are tough and you have to strip it back to being thankful for clean water, for living in a relatively safe society, living in a society whereby there is free speech (sort of!), and all of the other things we take for granted each and every day, it shifts the needle away from fixating on the negative.

And lastly, I would suggest you find ways not to bother engaging with people who are spoiling for a fight. It might not seem obvious they are doing so. In fact, they may try to make it more socially palattable by attempting to couch it in reasoned argument. But it\’s not. They are just looking to Trojan Horse their opinion into the conversation and give you shit for not agreeing with them, because ultimately, they just want your attention, your energy and your validation. But if they\’re not offering anything in return, other than combustible neediness/righteousness, then maybe its a good time exit the room, and direct your energies in more constructive ways.

On occasion, maybe you can really turn it on and inspire them with a powerful call to unity, but this only works as an occasional intervention. They\’ll end up hating you if you keep resorting to that trick. And the more you come from a place of heart, the more resonant it will be, even if they won\’t want to admit it at the time.

Indeed, the more we can tune into our hearts, the more we can counteract the bile with something infinitely more positive, elevating and enduring. This requires us to take time out each day for ourselves. If you\’re incessantly busy, you bounce out of your heart, into your head. If you\’re frequently adrenalised, excited and stimulated, it\’s the same thing. Finding balance is key. As is consciously directing your attention more into the body, and the earth. That\’s why we\’ve added those visualisations to the meditation practise. To ensure that the distribution of your energy is more optimally specified.

And there\’s no harm in taking one or two minutes each hour to reground yourself into something more wholesome. Everyone wins when you do so. And the more of us who can generate winning environments to be in, the more we will find the tables turning on all that negativity.

Wishing you a wonderful, heartfelt day groovers. May the force be with you.

Big Love

Will & The Team xxx