Why Men Need To Think About Self-Care This November

A month-long awareness and fundraising drive that shines a light on men\’s health, Movember aims to reduce the number of men who die prematurely due to a variety of factors. Addressing the biggest health issues that affect men, such as prostate and testicular cancer, the people behind Movember are hoping to change attitudes so men are more willing to visit a doctor than tough symptoms out until it\’s too late to effectively treat them. But more than this, Movember considers the medical, societal and emotional concerns which contribute to preventable deaths in men –  something that is particularly pertinent in relation to mental health and suicide.

With 20 to 49-year-old men more likely to die from suicide than natural causes in the UK, and men committing suicide at three times the rate of women, Movember is a great time to discuss male self-care. Women are actually three times more likely to attempt suicide, but for reasons that no one can adequately explain while men are far more likely to die from it. It\’s thought that men tend to choose more violent and therefore fatal methods, but apart from this, the gender disparity is hard to rationalise. However, as much as it\’s important to consider this paradox, it doesn\’t change the fact that death by suicide is much more dangerous for men, and mulling over why this might be and reducing the risks is what Movember is all about.

One compelling theory is that men are more at risk due to deeply entrenched ideas about masculinity, and the difference in the way men and women are brought up and treated through life. An aspect of this is self-care, or indeed the lack of it, in men\’s lives. Self-care as a concept is simple – it\’s just about taking the time to look after yourself. We all, unless very unwell, make choices that count as self-care, from brushing our teeth in the morning to buying ourselves a nice treat every now and then. But consciously enacting self-care is a little different, and very dependent on the individual.

For some, healthy self-care might be giving themselves a break and snuggling up in front of the TV with a tub of ice cream, because on a day to day basis they barely ever relax and need to let go. Others may find that going for a run every day is self-care, because exercise gives them a boost and they feel at their best if they are keeping fit, while others may go to get their hair done if they are feeling down. Whatever it is, much of the discussion around self-care is focused on women. The idea of pampering ourselves and generally paying attention to our emotional needs is often seen as inherently \”girly\”. But with men too often becoming overwhelmed by life it\’s clear that these ideas need to change.

The kind of self-care men are culturally encouraged to pursue is the active, traditionally \”masculine\” kind. Lifting weights, going to exercise clubs (but something along the lines of mixed martial arts rather than Zumba) and \”manly\” hobbies like woodwork or homebrewing are considered absolutely fine – especially because people don\’t really think of these things as being kind to your emotional self. But of course they are, providing relaxation, comfort and satisfaction to those who pursue them. While these things are great in and of themselves, men shouldn\’t have to feel limited to what\’s considered manly when they need to take care of themselves, and just do what works for them – whether it\’s a pampered spa day, retail therapy or sweating it out at the gym.

From an extremely young age boys are told to man up – there\’s not many men who will never have heard the phrase \”boys don\’t cry\” – so doing something simply because they feel sad and want to feel better is something of a cultural taboo. Furthermore, the things they are culturally expected to do are sometimes self-destructive. While women after a break-up are expected to weep into a pile of chocolate (which is pretty harmless), the image of a heartbroken man is more associated with downing drinks at the local pub and getting into a fight at 3 am. What men are most expected to do is never actually express that they are upset, or consciously take care of their wellbeing. This is something that is being challenged in this video where famous faces share the last time they cried.

It will take time for these attitudes to change, but with Movember drawing attention to the physical and emotional health of men every November, we may well get there sooner rather than later.